Treat me mean,I need the reputation.
Abstract_Toast
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Name: Brian
Location: Georgia, United States
Birthday: 5/8/1988
Gender: Male


Interests: Cynicism. Video games. Discussing the ramifications of the industrialist movement on the arts, particularly oil on canvas and the dramatic monologue, while sipping a glass of Merlot. That pie-not know-ear is for fags, by the way.
Expertise: I have a face for radio. And a knack for revenge. Oh, and I can bend gummi sombreros with my mind.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Nonprofit


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM: AbstractToast


Member Since: 3/25/2005

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Monday, January 01, 2007

Well, this is a departure from normality. Out with the new, in with the old.

I've always been the sort of bastard who looks through his old belongings and personal effects. I don't do it to relive memories; to go back to that special day and time where any one particular event happened.

I do it to punish myself. I do it as a self-flagellation. It is my personal scourge, wieldable and usable on one man who deserves it above all others.

I look back on these silly writings of high school angst, and I bring the whip down again and again. I refuse to allow my past to forego having the wisdom I possess now.

Ha ha ha.

And there I go again, not having learned anything from the past or present, just so that I can rip into myself in the future.

Ha ha ha.

I had forgotten how much I've bought into my own hype. They say you shouldn't do that. They say you shouldn't do a lot of things.

They say lots of things about me. They used to, at any rate. I don't think they talk about me much any more.  For this is how friendships end. Not with a bang or a whimper, but a choked gasp of sputum and blood gurgling in the windpipe of someone suffering from a massive case of tuberculosis.

Ha ha ha.

I may not be the writer I fancy myself to be, but I do take pride in my horrible imagery.

I'll admit it, you're twice the writer I am. But you'll never be able to match me in sheer depravity.

I'll take solace in that fact as I leave this note up for nobody to not read and not comment and not be not disgusted by.

After all, none of you are here any more. And neither am I, really. This is the first and most likely last time I'm ever going to look at this or anything on Xanga.

Ha ha ha.

Shantih, shantih, shantih.

That makes the second entry in a row that I've quoted Eliot. One of these days, I'm going to write my own dialogue.

Shantih, shantih, shantih.


Sunday, May 28, 2006

To those of you who may have been wondering,

I have not burst forth in full battle garb. I am not here because someone has just recently struck someone else in the head with a battle-axe.

I am the same person as I was yesterday.

And yet, I am not.

But I still do the Police in different voices.

Da. Da. Da.

Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.

shantih shantih shantih


Wednesday, April 05, 2006

In honor of today, I wish to quote a poem for you all.

 

I may have quoted it for you before. If so, read it again, it's worth reading. I like this. It sums things up nicely in one of those little Chinese take-out boxes.

Mein Kampf

David Lerner

all i want to do is
make poetry famous

ali i want to do is
burn my initials into the sun

all i want do do is
read poetry from the middle of a
burning building
standing in the fast lane of the
freeway
falling from the top of the
empire state building

the literary world
sucks dead dog dick

i'd rather be richard speck
than gary snyder
i'd rather ride a rocketship to hell
than a volvo to bolinas

i'd rather
sell arms to the martians
than wait sullenly for a
letter from some diseased clown with a
three-piece mind
telling me that i've won a
bullet-proof pair of rose-colored glasses
for my poem "autumn in the spring"

i want to be
hated
by everyone who teaches for a living

i want people to hear my poetry and
get headaches
i want people to hear my poetry and
vomit

i want people to hear my poetry and
weep, scream, disappear, start bleeding,
eat their television sets, beat each other to death with
swords and

go out and get riotously drunk on
someone else's money

this ain't no party
this ain't no disco
this ain't no foolin a

grab-bag of
clever wordplay and sensitive thoughts and
gracious theories about

how many ambiguities can dance on the head of a
machine gun

this ain't no
genteel evening over
cappuccino and bullshit

this ain't no life-affirming
our days have meaning
as we watch the flowers breath through our souls and
fall desperately in love

this ain't no letter-press, hand-me-down
wimpy beatnik festival of bitching about
the broken rainbow

it is a carnival of dread

it is a savage sideshow
about to move to the main arena

it is terror and wild beauty
walking hand in hand down a bombed-out road
as missiles scream, while a
sky the color of arterial blood
blinks on and off
like the lights on broadway
after the last junkie's dead of aids

i come not to bury poetry
but to blow it up
not to dandle it on my knee
like a retarded child with
beautiful eyes
but

throw it off a cliff into
icy seas and
see if the the motherfucker can swim for its life

because love is an excellent thing
surely we need it

but, my friends...

there is so much to hate These Days

that hatred is just love with a chip on its shoulder
a chip as big as the ritz
and heavier than
all the bills i'll never pay

because they're after us

they're selling radioactive charm bracelets
and breakfast cereals that
lower your IQ by 50 points per mouthful
we get politicians who think
starting world war III
would be a good career move
we got beautiful women
with eyes like wet stones
peering out at us from the pages of
glassy magazines promising that they'll
fuck us till we shoot blood

if we'll just buy one of these beautiful switchblade knives

I've got mine


Saturday, January 07, 2006

LSD

Fading again. A pulse, stifled by itself.
Drifting out of life; existence
with all its color,
intensity, feeling,
pain and energy.
Without your damning caress,
I float in a sea of nil.

Sinking down
into a world
of gray
hope.less
emotion.less
mech.an.i.cal.
no.thing.ness.

No.
This is.
Not.
What I wanted. At all.

So come back to me,
Melt against the tongue in a passive kiss
and let me awaken once again.

Let me rise from my slumber
and enlighten me to it all.

Show me the hell of the living.


Monday, December 05, 2005

So, being sick isn't fun.

We can all attest to that.

One thing most of you can't attest to right now is hearing pure audio bliss. One hundred percent pure, distilled, symphonically orgasmic aural sex.

Jeremy Soule is a fucking god, ladies and gentlemen.

And what a surprise, I've decided to share a tidbit. I presume you have some method of sound.

Enjoy.



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